This is a real dream I had a while ago, that I recently came across again and wanted to share with you all.
I walked by her on instinct, automatically expecting to not be given the chance to speak to her, or have any type of interaction whatsoever. And then my consciousness kicked in. There was almost nobody around her.
I walked back.
A couple people had stopped to acquire her autograph on a flimsy piece of plastic programming, which she cheerfully obliged. She looked… just as I’d imagined she would, perhaps no difficult feat in this special place. Which may also be why she was adorned in the memorable attire from her awakening closing scenes. It was either that, or she’d taken a fancy to cosplaying for the fans.
I waited. Two people were ahead of me. I didn’t want her to sign anything for me. I have many autographed items, and I’ve come to realize that there are things- invisible things, intangible things- that we can receive from people like her when we meet them. Untouchable, but far more substantial than her signature.
I wanted a conversation.
I’ll never forget how she looked up at me, with this knowing expression in her eyes. The same powerful gaze she’d set on Rey before releasing her into the most important part of her journey. It was a look that said “We were always meant to meet and I know that. I’m not here for them right now… I’m here for you.”
She caught my thoughts.
And she began to speak in her warm, cougarly tones.
“I don’t regret anything.” She shot me that wry grin, I’d come to appreciate too late. “It was never my intentions to be wild or bad… I just refused to be stopped by any limitation!” The slight lisp she’d developed in her old age slithered down my spine, eliciting sparks of excitement. Then her eyes shifted downward, and a particularly winsome expression contoured her softening features. Accordingly, the scenery of the entire room shifted, darkness crawled over everything, tearing through the roof and exposing the night sky. A thousand peeping toms shined their focus on us from the pits of space, as we snuggled in our individual sleeping bags.
It was somehow fitting.
“I do wish… I could have not been quite so self destructive at certain moments…”
Now it was my turn to speak. To share my heart. There are some conversations where we intentionally swim in the shallow, because we assume the next opportunity to have a meaningful discussion. But when your moment has passed- or worse, never come- you might find yourself a bit more eager to get to the point when it defies the laws of reality to stare at you personally face to face.
“I grew up in a very… traditional household. Pretty conservative home. That’s why these conversations are fascinating to me. I mean- I’ve done SOME stuff… some crazy stuff… but nothing like super crazy. And it bothers me at times.”
She listened intently.
A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
It felt like the most normal thing in the world.
“Do you… do you think it’s necessary to do all those things that you did to become this person that you’ve become?”
She stared at me, that same semi-morose expression defining her facial features once more. I’d seen this look before. It was the same one Prince had when he made his informal apology to the world.
“No,” she said simply. “The point is not about being wild and reckless. The point is to not be limited.”
And then we just sat there beneath the stars, looking at each other like friends older than time itself; me with a hundred other thoughts and impulses running through my head and heart; lost in the vibrant intensity of this unique connection. But I said nothing. I lovingly absorbed every feature on her face, as her intentional eyes stayed fixed on my own until the dream slowly faded away…
She came for me when I needed her most. And though she is departed, I am confident that one day I will be able to convey the gratitude she already knows I carry in my heart.
Thank you Princess.
The Force is with you.
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